In Fact, Ah stop hovering

Thursday, August 31, 2006 

Just in case you didn't read it...



Nialler has an excellent preview to Electric Picnic mentioning some acts which could easily slip under the radar. Half the acts he mentions I also strongly recommend, as for the other half of them I'll say thank you for the heads up! Sinead also has posted her must see acts including a few interesting nominations in the "less well known" camp.

Sinead and Nialler have covered most bases and more, the few crumbs they've left that I've my eye on to try to catch are Tiefschwarz, Neosupervital, Andy Weatherall, Metro Area, Francois K, Laurent Garnier Live, The Rapture (I'm hearing good things from people who have heard the upcoming album), Deus, Michael Franti and Bloc Party for hopefully shed loads of new stuff.

I know nobody will ever get to see everything, but we can try!



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Published by Paul.  

Wednesday, August 30, 2006 

The Biscuit Tin 8



Some biscuits are like a member of the family. They seem to have been around for as long as you can remember, you take them with you on trips and they're always there for you. McVitie's Chocolate Hobnobs are one such example. A stalwart of a biscuit which manages to employ rolled oats without tasting like those insidious Kellogg's Nutrigrain yokes. Add the McVitie's chocolate to the mix and you have a formidable opponent for any challenger.

Any biscuit enthusiast who frequents Tesco will undoubtedly be aware of the glut of double-pack Chocolate Hobnobs that flooded the market about 6 months ago. In terms of value for money you cannot get much better than the double-pack. Any enthusiast will also be aware that the relatively new cardboard tube packets of Hobnonbs (pictured) are a regrettable development in the McVitie's stable. Not only do you get fewer biscuits than the regular plastic pack, but the excess packaging is completely unnecessary given that Hobnobs will hold their freshness quite well (if stored correctly). In essence, good value in Hobnobs is attainable if you've got your head screwed on.

Chocolate Hobnobs are also one of the most consistent biscuits on the market. Using rolled oats in a recipe can leave the biscuit susceptible to crumbling or over-baking. McVitie's seem to have this recipe down to an art form. The chocolate is also genorously poured on top and is always of the best quality. The Hobnob's rolled oat foundation also allows for a unique dunking experience. Minute pockets of air within the biscuit allow it to take on more liquid than, say, a shortcake biscuit. The McVitie's chocolate also holds its character well and actually helps to maintain the biscuit's shape during dunking. Consequently, once safely in your mouth you can compress the biscuit to allow the sweet liquid flow from its innards and the chocolate to engulf your mouth in a taste explosion. On the down side, Hobnobs are a large biscuit which precludes them from a dunk unless you have a decent size cup or mug. But, think about it, would you be bothered eating a Chocolate Hobnob if it was the size of a Jaffa Cake?

Value for Money: 5 (Freshpack), 9.8 (Double-pack)

Dunkability: 9.3

Consistency: 8.9

If it were a car it would be a: Honda Accord

Overall Verdict: 9.5
Almost flawless, in the same way as a lecturer of mine once said: "Almost infinite".


This review is, quite probably, the last in the biscuit tin series. I'm off on my holliers now for two weeks and when I get back i'll be flipping the switch to study mode. Keep it crunchy.

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Published by El Commandant P.  

 

And they call this the Summer

The arse end of some tropical storm is responsible for this wonderful little jpeg I found on the Met Eireann website last night. By the looks of things the graphics department at the Met won't exactly be overworked this week as things aren't set to change all that much for the weekend and Electric Picnic either. Pack the wellies and goggles folks, it's going to be a messy weekend in more ways than one.


Published by Padraig.  

Tuesday, August 29, 2006 

Official Electric Picnic lineup, maps and artist info

Look what In Fact, Ah has found. It's the leaked official information booklet for artists playing at this year's Electric Picnic. Find maps, stage timetables and all sorts of artist information.

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Published by Colm.  

Monday, August 28, 2006 

Mugs 'r us


Anyone for a mug?

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Published by Colm.  

 

Notting Hill Carnival

Notting Hill

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Published by Colm.  

 

Ireland produces 50% more waste than the European average

It's official: we stink. Ireland produces more waste per head than any other country in the EU. In fact, ah we produce 50% more than the European average. That represents a staggering total of 869kg of waste for every man, woman and child. These figures come courtesy of a report due to be published by the Institute for Public Policy Research (ippr) and Green Alliance in the UK.

It's not all bad news however. We're climbing away from the traditional notion that Ireland cares not for recycling its waste. The figures in this report will show that Ireland recycles 31% of its waste while Portugal manages to recycle a paltry 3%.

Bottom of the recycling league are Portugal, Greece and the UK. Unsurprisingly, the Dutch come first by recycling a whopping 65% of their waste.

If we keep producing rubbish at this rate, we're going to need some very large holes in the ground. Can we designate Leitrim solely as a landfill county that is to serve no other purpose other than to hide our shit?

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Published by Colm.  

Sunday, August 27, 2006 

Sunday Independent reaches a new nadir

If I ever go to hell, and it is quite possible, please let me never have to share a cell with Louis Walsh (I've always imagined Hell to have cells). But better still, please don't make Barry Egan my slopping-out partner. As is stands, we have to put up with his shit in the Sunday Independent every week. (My local newsagent must have sold his sole copy of the Tribune by time I arrived).

Egan must have actually enjoyed the lecture at journo school where they tell the future scribes that at some stage of their careers they will have to write shamelessly and compromise what it means to write what you believe. I, for one, cannot believe what appeared in today's edition ...

"Mr Star Quality, Louis Walsh is never boring. Up close and personal he is the passive-aggressive control freak you might have expected. On the contrary, sometimes he can be rather fragile and gentle and vulnerable, like the rest of us. He has certainly mellowed over the years, and with it comes a more human side".

Egan goes on to describe Walsh with truly nauseating prose.

"He has the status of grand fromage but without the cheesiness of limo-riding and private jet-hopping self-importance that comes with it. He never acts like a big-shot designer-clad asshole. He never even dresses like one. Louis Walsh is the least narcissistic multimillionaire you could meet. "

Walsh has made a living from peddling pop pap and from forcing people of average taste to put up with the likes of Shane Lynch and Ronan Keating. Here's to hoping the Long Tail will crack like a whip across the back of insipid entertainment and put this twat from Kiltimagh out of business.

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Published by Colm.  

Friday, August 25, 2006 

Bored


Published by Colm.  

 

Radiohead Live in Marley Park















€55 a ticket
120 minutes to get to the gig
105 minutes of Radiohead LIVE
20,000 punters
3 new songs that impressed
2 new songs that depressed
12 screens of fantastic visuals
€5 for a pint of piss and fizzy Ballygowan
2 encores
1 Thom Yorke
200 Dublin busses
98% brilliant

This was one of the best outdoor live performances I've ever been to. The set-up was fantastic, the sound spot on and the visual concepts are something U2 should take note of. I would never describe myself as a fervent Radiohead fan, Thom Yorke was just too weird! However the Amnesiac and Kid A albums really turned me on to their music. I wouldn't even claim to know all that much of their back catalogue prior to Kid A so I was delighted last night to hear so many tunes sound amazing live from those two 'difficult' albums.

The overall performance was pretty steady without any particular euphoric moments. The open sequence consisted of a number of impressive new songs although later in the set they played a song titled 'Bangers and Mash' which uncomfortably reminded me of the Kaiser Chiefs. The personal highlight had to be 'Idioteque' and it was most certainly a pleasure to hear live, classic hits like 'Karma Police' and 'Creep' with which they played out a fantastic show. After seeng them live for the first time I think it's fair to say Radiohead are the finest 'alternative', populist band of our generation.


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Published by Padraig.  

 

The Biscuit Tin 7

Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond my control this week i.e. a wedding and an office party, I have not been able to put in the research necessary to bring you a review. However, eating is not the only concern for the biscuit enthusiast. Maintenance is also an area which, if neglected, can sour the pleasure involved in eating. That's why this week I will briefly let you in on a secret I learned while watching Blue Peter many years ago.

First off, this only works with packets of biscuits which are packed in a roll e.g Hob-Nobs. The packet must also have one of those labels with the red ribbon which says "Tear Here", although this can be circumvented using a scalpel or surgical scissors. Carefully tear the ribbon all the way around so that you are left with 2-3 biscuits sitting openly above the top of the packet. DO NOT THROW AWAY THE PART OF THE PACKET YOU REMOVED. If you have performed this correctly you should be left with a short, wide cylinder which is closed at one end.

Now, here comes the best part. Eat about 3-4 of the biscuits. You should now have a near full packet of biscuits but, crucially, the top biscuit must fall below where the top of the packet is. Finally, place the closed end of the cylinder on top of the first biscuit. You now have an almost airtight storage solution without suffering the ignominy of attending a Tupperware party.


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Published by El Commandant P.  

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 

Roy Keane set to take over as Sunderland manager



Considering the farce that was Saipan, it's almost impossible to believe that Roy Keane is set to be installed as the new Sunderland manager.

We've have had our say on more than one occasion about one of the most interesting sportsmen of our time.

Keane famously berated Quinn in his autobiography: "Niall Quinn? Who is he? Mother Teresa?" Keane who refused to play in Quinn's testimonial. Keane, whose autobiography ghost writer called Quinn a "creep".

Since taking the reins at Sunderland, Quinn has resembled nothing but a bumbling apologist. If the news coming down the wire is to be believed, he's just installed an completely unproven manager (coaching badges don't quite cut it) who has a temperament not suitable for football management.

This will undoubtedly unravel in the coming days and months and become a fascinating situation to watch.

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Published by Colm.  

 

Ranking the Rich

Every year The Center for Global Development produce the Commitment Development Index (CDI) which ranks 21 of the richest countries in the world with regard to how much they help poorer developing nations. The Index is contsructed by scoring each rich nation in seven policy areas which combined lead to better economic prosperity as well as political stability in the poorer countries. The areas are Aid, Trade, Investment, Migration, Environment, Security and Technology.



Ireland currently ranks 13th in the list of 21 countries. And while Ireland ranks as one of the highest scorers in policy areas Aid and Environment, it seems that Ireland ranks very poorly in terms of Technology and Investment. Interestingly Ireland only ranked 11th in the Migration category stating that that there was only a small increase during the 1990s in the number of unskilled immigrants from developing countries living in Ireland. Given the recent influx of migrant workers to Ireland in the last few years this makes me wonder how up to date the figures they are using to build the index are.

Ireland's results:


While the Index report makes very interesting reading, it is perhaps to be taken with a pinch of salt. We are currently ranked joint 13th with the United States. Who would have thought that both countries contribute equally to the betterment of the less fortunate on our planet!


Published by Dae.  

Monday, August 21, 2006 

Marking Time



Go here for some fantastic photos from Mark Waters. Well, I do have a biased affection for a lot of his subject matter.

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Published by Colm.  

Friday, August 18, 2006 

Great Falls of our Time - Volume 1

Now as a man whose love affair with kissing tarmac (or rock, wood, brick or in fact just any old surface) has been more passionate than the Pope’s, it can be said that I have had quite a few falls in my time. Down hills, over walls, down stairs, off bikes, off ladders, into an open manhole (yes, really) or just basically arse over tit, I’ve done them all. However there are two which I still lay claim to being the most spectacular or just plain ridiculous of the bunch.

Leeds. 1996. I had finished work about 10 (making pizzas you know) and myself and the waitress (a rather attractive young woman who for the sake of decency we shall refer to as Miss P.) had decided to go out for a drink.

Drink..Dance..Flirt..Dance..Drink..Flirt..Taxi..

So we arrive back home, where we find my housemates to be up. I sit on the arm of the chair while Miss P sits in the chair, head on my lap.

Drink..Chat..Flirt..Stroke Hair..Drinks..Chat..Flirt

Now, at this point someone passes round a joint. Now let’s be clear, I was never that good with the old hash,weed,wacky baccy, doobage, etc etc etc. It was generally a bad idea. When I was already drunk it was a terrible idea. When I was already drunk and things were looking promising, it was possible the worst idea since Ben Affleck.

Drink..Chat..Flirt..Smoke..Feel Woozy..Feel Sick..

Now I may be sick, I need to get upstairs to the toilet and fast. Obviously I can’t let her know I’m feeling ill, gotta keep the chance alive and keep the door ajar (although I’m probably bright green by this point). So I mumble the best excuse my newly stoned and drunk mind can manage, something so clever and devilish she’ll never know I’m going to be sick. Something so fiendish that…

“juss gonna go ‘n have a shit”

Yes I know, I know, hardly classy. Let’s face it my chances of a romantic entanglement ended there. But just in case there was any chance - any chance at all -I had better balls it up completely.

I stagger to the open doorway, and step-by-step slowly climb the stairs. I must add that I am being watched for this entire trip through the open doorway (see diagram, I have lovingly marked the positions of Miss P and myself for you). And I almost make it. Almost. I miss the top step, fly backwards, miss almost all of the steps on the way down and hit the polished wooden floor of the wall - hard. Then I proceed to slide the couple of metres required for my head to hit the front door.



This is where I remain, suffering a combination of pain, stonedness (funnily enough I didn’t feel sick anymore) and sheer embarrassment for about half an hour until her taxi arrives. I have to move my head slightly to let her open the door as she steps over me. Not the best ending to a night and the final icing on the cake came after I woke up, three hours later, in the same place with a sleeping bag thrown on me and my head in a small pool of cat pee. Special.

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Published by euzie.  

 

The Biscuit Tin 6




As previously noted in this series, Fox’s biscuits are unashamedly bourgeois. While Classics may feign sophistication with their royal blue packaging, the Millionaire’s Caramel Shortcake are the real thing. Just read the name, it contains the word ‘Millionaire’. A biscuit with the word ‘Millionaire’ in it. I’m sure if you popped round to John Magnier’s gaff you’d be getting these biscuits served with a cup of this coffee. You also get the feeling that they are the kind of biscuit Saddam Hussein would have eaten in one of his presidential palaces.

Any biscuit with such an outrageous title must be able to back it up. Again, Fox’s don’t disappoint. I must admit that I have not tried these biscuits a great many times due to their exorbitant cost. Any time I have, however, they have delivered immense pleasure. The construction of this biscuit is quite unique and difficult to explain. The shortcake is roughly 1.5 inches by 1 inch with what can only be described as a trough running through the length of it. This trough is filled with delectable caramel and the whole lot is then thickly covered with Fox’s inimitable chocolate.

At this stage you’ve probably guessed that these biscuits do not represent good value for money. In fact, they are about as economically viable as a Catholic church in Iran. There are only 8 in the box but you wouldn’t eat 8 of them like you would Toffypops. As you would expect, consistency is not an issue with a biscuit of such a grandiose nature. The biggest disappointment with these biscuits is their dunkability. Ironically, it is the mighty Toffypop, the working-class hero, which exposes this flaw. The light chocolate covering on Toffypops means that a dunk will melt the toffee. This results in an orgasmic ooze of shortcake, toffee and chocolate. Millionaire’s, however, are a casualty of their own decadence. The thick chocolate and robust shortcake act as a barrier to the caramel inside which means the dunking is a rather vapid experience.

Value for Money: 1.5/10

Dunkability: 4/10

Consistency: 9.5

If it were a car it would be a: Hummer SUV (So expensive and so wrong)

Overall Verdict: 7/10
These biscuits give you a taste of what it's like to be a millionaire but their extravagance is their ultimate downfall.

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Published by El Commandant P.  

Thursday, August 17, 2006 

Fancy an In Fact, Ah fantasy?

Everybody else is doing it, so why can't we? I've completely ripped off Sinead Gleeson's idea by setting up an In Fact, Ah fantasy football league. *Special* prize for the winner - they get to write a post here on one of Ireland's most, ahem, respected blogs.

Join here using the 301452-98261 code. Don't delay - the Premiership kicks off tomorrow.
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Published by Colm.  

 

Gardai need to address recruitment criteria

Minister for Justice Michael McDowell today admitted that the latest report from the Morris tribunal painted "an extremely disturbing picture of Garda behaviour".

This module of the tribunal has ruled that Detective Garda John White planted a firearm in a traveller site to justify the subsequent raid and arrest of members of the traveller family.

The findings of both the Morris and Barr tribunals must not be ignored. They highlight the gross incompetence and willful negligence that existed in Donegal and in Longford.

However, the recruitment criteria need to be re-examined to ensure that the we are served by a force who have the wherewithal to uphold the laws of this nation. I point you to the official Garda entry requirements list here.

To summarise, candidates must:

- Be of good character
- Be certified to be of good health, of sound constitution and fitted physically and mentally to perform the duties of a member of the service
- Pass a Physical Competence Test
- Be at least 18 and under 35 years
- Have obtained in the Leaving Certificate (1) a grade not lower than B3 at Foundation Level or D3 at another level in Mathematics
(2) a qualifying grade in two languages one of which must be Irish or English

English: a grade not lower that D3 at Ordinary Level,
Irish : a grade not lower than C3 at Foundation Level or D3 at another level,
Other language : a grade not lower than D3 at Ordinary Level

There are various other criteria.

To my mind, they have set the bar (excuse the pun) pretty low. The case is not being made for the acceptance only of academics or bookish types; every police force needs some members to blindly follow orders and use physical force where necessary. It is necessary however to have amongst the ranks people who take intelligent decisions when needed. The handling and mopping up of these scandals has left a lot to be desired.

If we are to regain any confidence in the force we need to feel that the right people are in charge of law and order.




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Published by Colm.  

 

Fionn Regan @ Luminaire, Kilburn August 16th 2006

Fionn Regan @ Luminaire

Two things I've tried to avoid were met head on tonight as I went to see Fionn Regan play at Luminaire in Kilburn, North London. First off was the location itself, a legacy of starker times for Ireland in the 50s and 60s. Suffice to say it's not one of the neighbourhoods in London that I try to visit on a regular basis. In fact, it was my first visit to this Irish stronghold. Second thing that I try to steer clear of is the singer-sonwriter music fare that seems to prevail like a stale fart on the hallowed stage of Whelans on Wexford Street.

Thankfully neither turned out to be a disappointment. Take it as a given that Fionn Regan does what he does in a most accomplished manner. Something that becomes immediately apparent is the likeness of his singing voice to that of Ryan Adams, which usually isn't a bad thing. My introduction to him came by means of a PR throwaway CD, The End of History. Critical acclaim is his and there's no arguing with the fact that his recorded efforts are of a superlative quality.

That said, his live performance was a staidly affair. Tiredness on our part (In Fact, Ah neophyte euzie was also in attendance) does not help to heighten the sensory appreciation of music so you must forgive my bias. Towards the end, I was glad that the set had finished - never a good sign.

Tonight won't stop me from frequently listening to The End of History. I'm just not sure I can be bothered turning up for slow gigs any more.

Good thing I'm going to see Tapes N Tapes in a few weeks then.

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Published by Colm.  

Monday, August 14, 2006 

Musings of a despot

It seems that Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has a shiny new blog. It's a terrific read altogether. But he's taking a leaf out of Richard Waghorne's blog by not allowing comments.

Hopefully he doesn't take a disliking to In Fact, Ah and ban us from his country because we're such a big hit over there in Tehran.





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Published by Colm.  

 

Oooh, I can't wait!





As if I wasn't excited enough about seeing Radiohead for the first time next week in Marley Park, Stylus Magazine went and whetted my appetite even further with this article published today which reviews the slew of new material Radiohead are debuting around Europe on their current tour.

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Published by Paul.  

Friday, August 11, 2006 

Melodies and music influencing mood

A gait and walk can take lots of different forms. People everywhere are moving and shaping along footpaths. In a city it's easy to fall into step with the rythym of things around you. Those little white earphones are acting as conduits to deliver sonance and sounds to over one in six people when they pull the front door shut.

When my ear thinks of London, it thinks of this crazy beat.

Underworld - Cow Girl

How fickle we are to allow music to dictate our most personal possession - our feelings. Some might say the manipulation is perpetrated by our emotions, using music to attain instant gratification and affirmation. If that's the case, I use Joy Division's Digital like a cheap whore. I positively bound down the street when listening to them go bang! bang! bang!


Joy Division - Digital

Tracks that transcend all emotions are in rare supply but when they are played in the background of a noisy pub you drift from the conversation to sum up your emotional state. It's like the checks and balances of life are neatly summarised in a three minute pop sensation.


Stone Roses - Waterfall

Listening to some songs tell you the time. Van Morrison's Stranded tells me that it's night time purely because the melody says so.


Van Morisson - Stranded


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Published by Colm.  

 

Science Friday

I once had a primary school teacher who would often wheel the old moving picture box and VCR into the classroom on a Friday afternoon (in retorspect, said teacher may or may not have been suffering from a hangover the odd Friday). The staple diet for these Friday televisual diversions was science and nature programs.

In general I remember all the kids would absolutely lap this stuff up, even the habitually raucous and disruptive students who would normally be having a field (nay, zoo) day on a Friday afternoon would be engrossed.

Anyways, here's my choice for the VCR this Friday. Ciúnas!

A quite bewitching and beautiful video of the graceful birth of a Tornado.









An amazing animation (Quicktime Player required) of a Mars Rover from Launchpad to scratching around on the red planet.






You know the way they say a present you make yourself is of so much more value than something you buy in a shop! Well buddies, don't say I haven't given you plenty of heads up - I WANT ONE OF THESE FOR CHRISTMAS! The Time Fountain (More here).









I don't know what they're showing in relation to Sex Education videos in Schools these days (Alas! They were absent in my day.) But here's a suggestion.









Finally, your homework for the weekend readers - I want two pages Monday morning on your experience of the Perseids over the weekend.

Dismissed, enjoy the weekend!

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Published by Paul.  

 

Headphone Friday

It's Friday and as euzie said yesterday, the light of the weekend is bursting into the room. The sounds of the weekend are also busting down the door and that means it's time to plug in the headphones and settle down for a good 6 or 7 hours of musical devotion. Headphone Friday - one of the few perks of an office job.

Today's menu recommended by MacChef is influenced heavily by the electronic 'renaissance' of 2006. One notable exception is Danielson's album Ships released earlier in the spring. Top of the list though is Spank Rock, as recommended by Nialler9. It's genius hip-hop with bass that any sludgecore fanatic would sell their soul for. Check out this breezeblock recording and don't forget to catch them at Electric Picnic on the Friday night.

Spank Rock - YoYoYoYoYo
Booka Shade - Movements
Outhood - Let Us Never Speak of it Again
Modeselektor - Hello Mum
Danielson - Ships

So what's on the headphones folks?

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Published by Padraig.  

 

The Biscuit Tin 5



Cadbury are a well established confectionary giant who oddly have not enjoyed such notoriety in the biscuit world. Their greatest asset is their chocolate which would seem concomitant with dominance in a market which is slightly less violent than the drug and arms trades. Not so. Ridiculous excuses for biscuits such as the paltry 'Fingers' collection (basically insipid little miserly sticks of biscuit covered in chocolate) have made them the laughing stock of people in the know. Other forays into the luxury market have produced mixed results. But now Cadbury, as if a sleeping giant awakening from a lengthy slumber, are beginning to have an impact. Leading the charge are the Chocolate Shortcakes.

Opting to purchase a hitherto unknown biscuit can be a thrilling, yet frightful, experience. You may stumble upon a gem that will fit nicely into your ever increasing armoury of possible purchases. On the other hand, you may be left crying into your tea because you fell for another gimmick like those immoral orange + chocolate Hobnobs. Fortunately, I was not disappointed after purchasing these Chocolate Shortcakes. They take on the regular chocolate-on-top/biscuit-on-bottom (COT/BOB) construction which is so commonplace these days. What Cadbury have managed to do, however, is find a shortcake that sits well with their chocolate.

One advantage for the consumer of the COT/BOB construction is the virtual guarantee of good value for money. COT/BOB demands relatively little space and so manufacturers always pack them in rolls. In terms of consistency, I don’t know if I can give an honest assessment at this point. To ascertain the consistency of a biscuit you need to down at least 100 packs. I am nowhere near this figure yet but must admit I do begin to lose count after the 50 mark. Suffice it to say that thus far they are showing promise, particularly in the quality of the shortcake which can so often be a complete nightmare for other biscuits. The one gripe I would have with these biscuits is their poor dunking performance. Their size excludes them from a dip in an espresso cup. They don’t fair much better in a cup of tea. The shortcake is tighter than a nun’… is quite impervious to taking on any liquid which is a real shame because the chocolate reacts quite well to the heat.

Finally, I couldn’t let a chocolate manufacturer off without addressing the ethical issues surrounding the trade. Apart from being pressured to provide fair-trade alternatives, Cadbury were the architects of one of the most absurd marketing campaigns of the 21st Century. They wanted to help kids get fitter so they decided to give away free sports gear. Capital idea, I hear you say. Not when you have to eat 170 bars of the stuff in order to win a volleyball. Even worse, a cricket set would set you back a whopping 2,730 bars. I cannot think of a better way to reach your maximum weight than eating 2,730 bars of chocolate and then going out for a spot of fielding on the cricket grounds.

Value for Money: 8/10

Dunkability: 3/10

Consistency: A tentative 7.5

If it were a car it would be a: Saab 93

Overall Verdict: 7/10
A good effort by Cadbury to gain a foothold in the market but that shortcakes needs to relax on the density.


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Published by El Commandant P.  

Thursday, August 10, 2006 

Nemesis, I know your name.

This is euzie. He's been co-opted to this fine waste of white space. Hopefully, he'll be with us for the long haul, not like those other fly-by-nights. You know who you are. He'll be taking over the mantle of being the oldest In Fact, Ah'er. And he's English! So go easy you cuddly, hateful Irish people. Colm.

Let me introduce you to a nemesis of mine. T’is as vicious and evil a nemesis that anybody could hope to have; a nemesis that tests and challenges, throwing obstacle after obstacle in my way. It has been responsible for many a period of woe and strife. This Nemesis has a name and its name is Tuesday.

Now before you think, hang on – “how can a day of the week be a Nemesis?” I will briefly mention that, for a while, the number 16 bus in Dublin ran it a close second. I can see some of you nodding so I will continue. Tuesdays are evil incarnate. While some may hate Mondays (Obviously not Geldof, he made a fortune out of them) and Wednesdays are a bit pointless I’ll admit, it is Tuesdays’ insidiousness and stealth that makes them all so much worse. Mondays you expect. You see them coming. They hang over the weekend like the knowledge that your dad/missus/other is still going to be up when you get home. It’s that bastard Tuesday that catches you out. It’s the proper start to the week, it’s no mans land. It’s the second step into a darkened room. Let me explain.

The weekend is the light, the room with the TV, the party, the drinks, the hot chick and a door. Sunday night you open the door and step through into Monday. Now Monday may be bad, but you still have the door open, the light of the weekend casts it in an eerie glow. You can remember Saturday night, you can talk about the football on
Sunday. Then you close the door.

It’s Tuesday. Its suddenly dark, the weekend behind is a distant memory. You can’t see anything. Even if you manage to get through this ordeal it’s only going to be Wednesday. You stub your toe in the void. You hear a noise. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? Confusion and despondency sets in. What’s the point? Why bother? You hate this fecking job anyway. It’s probably raining. You stepped in some dog shit. It’s Tuesday.

But wait. Your eyes become accustomed to the dark. You can make out shapes. Is it? Yes it’s Wednesday and by the end of Wednesday you can even see the light chinking out from under the door on the other side. Thank Jesus, Vishnu, Buddha, Mohammed and L. Ron Hubbard. That noise? Ah it’s probably the pipes, who cares? You start to make your way to the faint light. It’s Thursday now, you feel good. You may trip over a few chairs on the way, catch your toe on the edge of the bed but hey you can go out and get pissed tonight. After all it’s Friday tomorrow. And there it is. Friday. You’ve opened the door. The light of the weekend ahead bathes you with radiant glory. You just have to turn, check the newly lit room behind, finish off a few things and you are through, home and dry. It’s the weekend; there is beer in the room although to be honest you probably started drinking while you were opening the door. It’s bright and shiny. The music is cool and you don’t have to leave for 2 days. Just never forget about Tuesdays. Tuesdays will cut yer.

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Published by euzie.  

Wednesday, August 09, 2006 

Pure Legends


Fresh faced and EPO-free. Well at this early stage of their perspective careers they certainly were! It's a great photo and one that brought back fond memories of following Kelly and Roche's phenomenal achievements as a kid when I discovered it the other day on www.seankelly.com. Despite the many revelations of doping amongst pro-cyclists in recent years and allegations that the two buckos had more needles stuck in their veins than a junky on Thomas St. I still reckon that this pair are two of the greatest sporting heroes we've ever produced!

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Published by Padraig.  

Sunday, August 06, 2006 

Yeah, who?

Even better than the real thing - this must have taken some time to model. Very impressive. Pat the Plank never looked so good.



Castro has died more times than Kenny (not Pat). Truth is Cuba ain't gonna to change much in the near future even if Castro dies. Taking a break from his "I support the Israeli invasion of Lebanon" column, this Sunday Delevan believes it may be turned into a leftie themepark. Subscription required (but free).

I can confirm that Marks & Spencers sell the nicest tea. Might go well with ToffyPops.



Do you spend more time online than you do sleeping? Can't bear to drag yourself from the Interweb? Have more friends online than you do in real life? You tell your wife to read your blog when she tries to start up a conversation? ... Test yourself for all types of Internet addiction online.

Revenge takes one step closer.

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Published by Colm.  

 

In response

Here's a reproduction of a comment left by Damien Moran of the Catholic Worker Movement. I felt it deserved a post of its own.

Something that may help the questions/issues raised re. the verdict in our case.

We were charged under the Criminal Damage Act of 1991, which only applies to property. Therefore any fears re. injury, murder of people do not apply to this act nor to the ‘lawful excuse’ defence.

From the outset the jury were informed by the presiding judge the legality of the war was not justiciable in a domestic court of law. Nevertheless, she did allow an expert in International law to testify that our belief that the war would be illegal was a ‘reasonable’ belief supported by the majority of international law experts outside of the U.S. The jury were told at various junctures during the trial that they were not to rule on whether the war was illegal, but rather whether our action had a ‘lawful excuse’ and thus was not criminal.

Important to note that only those not in the courtroom could be surprised by this verdict. During the course of the trial the prosecutor and one of the detectives involved in the case expressed extreme doubt that any jury would ever be able to convict our group.

Our testimony in the trial, supported by the ‘Statement of Faith’ we brought with us during the disarmament, aswell as expert military and international law evidence given to the court and in the context that there is a statutory defence of ‘lawful excuse’ granted by the Oireachtas in the Criminal Damage Act of 1991 (amended in 1997 to remove the ‘immediacy clause’) in that if one has an honest belief (subjective test) that they are protecting property or life of another, their own life or property, or property and life they have a vested interest in, and that their action is reasonable (objective test) taken into consideration all the circumstances, then a person can be deemed to have a lawful excuse to damage property. Under Irish law it is ‘immaterial whether a belief is justified once it is honestly held’ and of course, ‘reasonable’ taking into consideration all the circumstances.

After two weeks in court, the jury unanimously accepted our defence - only about 3% of criminal cases end in acquittal and a minority of these end in unanimous acquittal.
The State, with all its resources, were unable to even convince one juror of our guilt.
The mainstream Irish media, State authorities and US Embassy have lied in public broadcasts without ever retracting that we:

1) Hospitalised, assaulted, overpowered a Garda (something the garda in question denied 3 times on oath during our 3 trials)

2) That the Irish taxpayer would have to pay the alleged $2.6 million damages to the US Navy plane (the Dept. of Transport have only recently stated the Irish taxpayer would not have to pay the damages). Other mainstream media outlets (e.g. The Limerick Leader just out today) continue to insinuate that the taxpayer will have to foot the bill.

It still seems hard for some people to swallow the fact that we were actually found to have committed an act of civil obedience by doing damage to property because taking into consideration all the circumstances it was found to be reasonable, i.e. we were acting to save lives and property - the military expert who gave evidence in our case accepted that this would have been a likely chain of events initiated from the act.

This verdict does not turn the law on its head and does not unleash a Pandora’s box for every and any Joe and Josephine to wage carnage against their neighbour’s dog who barks above an acceptable decible nor towards their neighbour who plays music to loudly at night time thus preventing you from getting your required 8 hour nightly snooze.

Don’t forget, the law we are talking about only refers to damage of property. It is the Non-Fatal Offences Against the Persons Act of 1997 amongst other laws that deal with a person who may be acting in self-defence by doing damage to another person. In this context an accused would have to try prove he/she had employed ‘a justifiable use of force’.

The judge in our case ruled that this law did not apply as the basis/purpose of the '97 law was concerned with those charged with damage to a person. That we already had a statutory defence within the 1991 act (amended in 1997 as stated above).

So the big question now is how does Irish society take the popular mandate from the conscience of the Irish community, 12 ordinary randomly selected members of society, and once and for all end the US military use of Shannon and Ireland’s increasing role in the arms trade, facilitation of troops/munitions being deployed to a theatre of war.

Our hope is that the 1,100 US soliders passing through Shannon today, tomorrow, and into the near future would be supported to conscientiously object to kill and be killed, to wound and be wounded, in the Middle East. That instead, they would go back to their loved ones and join the growing GI resistance with the Iraq Veterans Against War (www.ivaw.net) and other peace groups protesting against, what Madeline Albright (of all people) calls the greatest foreign policy disaster in the history of the US.

You can check out a debate on how this may be achieved at the following thread:

http://www.indymedia.ie/article/77460

It has taken 3 trials (the first two collapsed due to the judge’s bias) brought by the Irish State to establish that we are innocent of any wrongdoing. That what we did on February 3rd 2003 was lawful.

The war planes at Shannon and the munitions and troops that pass through on them do not make Ireland or the world a safer place. The should not be protected by the ‘Guardians of Peace’ or the ‘Irish Army’. Instead they should be refused landing, refueling and overflight privileges and the Irish gvt. and all sectors of Irish civil society and the Irish church should at once awaken from their silence and condemn the carnage the U.S./UK and their coalition partners have unleashed in the Middle-East.

The cynicism of the Irish gvt.s’ recent refusals of Israeli weaponry being carried on U.S. planes to help destroy Lebanese lives and civilian infrastructure beacause of the ‘current conflict’ makes their position in support of the Iraq war and occcupation completely untenable. Is their not a current conflict in Iraq - mandated or not in 2004, the war was not initally mandated by the UN. Ireland would do well to take a courageous stance once and for all on this issue and stop facilitating a U.S. gvt. out of control in their quest to bomb the world into ‘democracy’.

They should start by stopping to pull down hard-fought for civil liberties and democratic rights in their own country (right to privacy - unravelled by their mass phone tapping, freedom of assembly - remember the 1,600 protestors rounded up in NYC 2 years ago during the Republican convention, restorative justice - 2.5 million of mainly Hispanic/Afro/Asian ethnicity currently imprisoned in the U.S.)

And as we say in the Catholic Worker, let’s continue to ‘afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted’!

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Published by Colm.  

Friday, August 04, 2006 

Music Non-Stop - Berlin Style

While on our recent trip to the World Cup we spent a few days in Berlin. If the truth be told, football was the last thing on my mind as we rolled into the hauptbahnhof. Berlin is a city I've wanted to visit for many years, not only for its vaunted history and eclectic culture, but more than anything for the chance to experience the energy that emanates from the amazingly creative music and art scene in the city. Berlin to me has always been the home of techno and all things electro. From the Love Parade, to the infamous Tresor nightclub, to record labels like Shit Katapult and techno legend Ritchie Hawtin, the city has always been at the forefront of experimental and avant garde musical expression and a place where cultural life explodes incessantly.

In areas like Kreuzberg and around the Ostbanhof, the selection of clubs and venues is so prodigious you could never hope to catch everything in a month, never mind a few days. Abandoned factories, derelict war bunkers, old cellars. You name it, it's been converted into a venue. The Thursday we arrived, we were fortunate enough to catch electro/house maestros
Tiefscwarz (performing at this years Electric Picnic) play live in Club Wockenede - a decadent joint located on the top floor of 14 story office tower in the Mitte district. We stumbled out of the place in shock and awe after the brothers busted up the place for hours with a gritty and edgy electro to a backdrop of panoramic views of the Berlin nightscape.

On the Friday night we found ourselves queuing outside MARIA, a disused warehouse on the east side of the city. That night we were there for the Shit Parade (an alternative event to the recently resurrected Love Parade). When we arrived at 2am the place was already thumping to the beats of the eccentric Deadalus. The temperature inside was well above 30 by the time
T.Raumschmiere, the enigmatic founder of the Shit Katapault label, wound up what was the greatest techno set I've ever heard. Before we could even catch our breath and rinse out the soaked t-shirts Ellen Alien and Apparat were on stage for what was an accomplished if not a mind-blowing live set. As we headed home round 7am, the streets were packed as crowds headed to many of the famed after hours parties which can spring up randomly anywhere in the city.

While techno is still king, the music scene is so incredibly diverse that on any random night everything form Brazilian funk to dub, drum'n'bass to minimalist electro, to trance and punk filters from some yet-to-be-discovered venue on every street corner of the city. Even on Sunday as we strolled through a market near Boxhanger Strasse our attention was grabbed by a bunch of people on the other side of the street hanging around an alley listening to some down-tempo hip-hop being played on hastily-erected decks nearby. It’s a city were the music never stops, not even for the World Cup final.

Tiefscwharz:



T.Raumschmiere:



Ellen Alien:
Gold und Liebe
Cross town rebels

Blog:
Great Electro Blog

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Published by Padraig.  

Thursday, August 03, 2006 

iPod, uPod, PatPods



Fantastic. Cian at irishelection.com has launched a podcast by interviewing Pat Rabbitte, leader of one of the few parties I would ever consider voting for - the Labour party.


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Published by Colm.  

 

The Biscuit Tin 4



The sandwich-style biscuit is a modern classic. A simple concept that has proliferated throughout the biscuit market and given rise to that joyous practice: the lift and lick. Americans can bang on about twisting Oreos all they want, but we here in Western Europe have been at it since they were tearing up treaties and murdering natives. Many would consider Custard Creams more Irish than shamrocks or Garda corruption, but they'd be wrong. Custard Creams are synonymous with the British Empire and a further example of Ireland's unconscious ingestion and adoption of most exports emanating from perfidious Albion.

Don’t believe me? Take a closer look at the above picture. What do you see in the centre of the biscuit? Yes, a Union Jack. Every time you eat one of those biscuits it is the equivalent of taking the oath of allegiance to the Queen (I was going to make a joke connecting the licking of the biscuit and the Queen but I thought it would be in bad taste, both literally and figuratively). So don’t be fooled by the shamrock above the Bolands logo, Custard Creams are the worst incursion by the Brits onto our island since the plantations.

I’m going to sideline politics for now and see if I can give this biscuit an honest review regardless of its murderous, blood-stained history. Custard Creams consist of two slight biscuits with a cream centre. Sounds boring doesn’t it? Well, that’s because it is. The biscuit element is quite a staid affair and seems to be unsure of itself; am I shortcake or not? The cream is uneventful and bears no resemblance to custard. This biscuit’s attraction lies in its ‘fidgetability’; you can mess with them for hours in numerous ways and still not get bored.

In terms of consistency, however, they are an absolute shambles. How many times have you had to endure an over-baked, virtually impenetrable Custard Cream? How many times have you had the cream all piled over to one side completely cutting off access to the other? How many times have you seen the biscuit facing the wrong way i.e. the design side where the flat side should be? Any biscuit that doesn’t know its north from its south has issues.

When it comes to dunkability the Custard Cream doesn’t fair much better either. The biscuit element seems incapable of retaining any liquid and the cream just ends up like an oil spill floating on top of your tea/coffee. In fact, Custard Creams are one of the few biscuits I wouldn’t bother dunking which is a black mark in anyone’s book. Price-wise, they are decent value and their generic nature means you could probably purchase a St. Bernard or KVI pack and not notice the difference (which in my opinion is a damning indictment of any biscuit).

Value for Money: 8/10

Dunkability: 3/10

Consistency: 3.5

If it were a car it would be a: Rover 45 (As boring as it is British)

Overall Verdict: 4.5/10
A pleasant biscuit to fidget with and good value for money, which makes it somewhat similar to a cheap prostitute. However, it’s dark colonial past, poor dunkability and sine wave-like consistency leave you feeling dirty after the act.


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Published by El Commandant P.  

Wednesday, August 02, 2006 

Murder on the Farm

Murder on the Farm

Last week there was a murder on the farm. Not a pleasant declaration but there aint no pretty way of saying it. No accidental killing or tragic mishap here, but a callous premeditated crime with the most fatal of outcomes. After months of close shaves and narrow escapes, I regret to inform you all that the cat finally got it. Our dog, which cannot be named for legal reasons, is a breed of Irish wolfhound who had taken it upon his conscience that this particular cat was indeed his mortal enemy and must at all costs be vanquished.

I was first to arrive on the crime scene. The dog still had the live cat clasped between his jaws. But it was too late alas, as with his killer instinct he had already broken the cat’s fragile neck. Shouting at the dog, which quickly retreated, I advanced to where the cat lay enduring what must have been the last few agonising moments of its meagre existence. Mother was next to arrive on the scene and being more of expert in all matters feline, pronounced the cat dead on her arrival.

Family reactions varied. I was shocked and genuinely impressed that the dog had managed to catch the cat. Through all the years of seeing dogs chase cats, I'd never actually seen or heard of a dog that succeeded. Mother was saddened but not taken aback as she said the cat had been getting too brave. He knew the dangers of appearing near the house during daylight hours but had been risking it more and more as the days went by. My father, as usual, flew in a blind rage and sought to inflict immediate violent retribution on the dog. Cleverly the dog was well in hiding at this stage.

After the shock and sorrow subsided (which I admit didn’t take very long as I am not the greatest admirer of cats), came the inevitable question; why? Why did our dog feel threatened by an animal about one twentieth of its size? He is normally so passive and even tempered. Was it a territorial thing? Surely the farmyard was big enough for them to co-exist? Apparently Wolfhounds are gentle, friendly dogs of a sensitive nature. So did we land some nasty cross breed dysfunctional killing machine? Was this a once off crime or do we need to address the more sinister nature of our dog’s personality?

The dog is now on serious probation. If he even looks sideways at any human with the contempt he held for the cat, he’s a goner. As for the deceased cat, which shall ever be remembered as the Black Cat – he never received a formal name. He was buried in a field alongside a recently deceased hen. May they rest in peace.

** Please note that the hen died of natural causes and that the dog has been in no way implicated in the hen’s unfortunate demise.


Published by Dae.  

 

Saddam and Osama

With the Middle-East yet again embroiled in what seems to be an interminable conflict, it can sometimes help to laugh about it. The video below is quite possibly the most politically incorrect thing you're going to see this year, which also makes it the funniest thing this year. Nobody is spared; Jews, Arabs, Palestinian kids with rocks, and martyrs all receive a roasting. I am not sure if it is a genuine cartoon but seeing as I cannot find any more episodes of it, I doubt that it is. Watch out for the advertisements in between.

(The volume is quite low so you may need to crank it)



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Published by El Commandant P.  

The Biscuit Tin Series

Biscuit Tin 1 - Fig Rolls
Biscuit Tin 2 - Fox's Classic
Biscuit Tin 3 - ToffyPops
Biscuit Tin 4 - Custard Creams
Biscuit Tin 5 - Cadbury's Chocolate Shortcakes
Biscuit Tin 6 - Fox's Millionaire's Caramel
Biscuit Tin 7 - Biscuit Maintenance
Biscuit Tin 8 - McVitie's Chocolate Hobnobs
Biscuit Tin 9 - Oat Crumbles
Biscuit Tin 10 - Jammie Dodgers
Biscuit Tin 11 - Xmas Special


Best Group Blog 2007