It came up in polite conversation recently that associate Euzie and his better half were mindful of how zombie-proof an apartment they were viewing was. It was deemed to be much better equipped to keep out zombies than the ill-fated Winchester.

This lead me to ponder the unlikely situation of a zombie attack on In Fact, Ah contributors. Who exactly would survive and who become a zombie and instantly improve their beauty score?

When you've finished reading, let us know in the comments if you think you'd survive or become a zombie.

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PMC: Likely to attempt to blaze his way out after being backed in to a corner. As everyone knows, this positioning is flawed and can only lead to ruin. Preferred weapon of choice would be a Tommy gun.

Verdict: Zombie

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Francie: Being an agile dancer and the possessor of many moves (most notable being the ski dance), Francie stands a chance. But you need to keep quiet sometimes when zombies are about so as not to alert them to your presence. Francies is the sneezer. Most likely of the group to take the piss out of and antagonise the zombies. Weapon of choice would be fart gas.

Verdict: Zombie

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El Commandant P: May use coconut creams to lure zombies away from a potentially dangerous situation. The voice of reason in the group, El Commandant P has the potential to see the greater picture. The only danger lies in the fact that he may feel pity for the zombies and compromise the survival of the group. Weapon of choice can only be a Kalashnikov.

Verdict: Survival

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Paul: First to obey the rules of zombie defence. Certain to have a catchy two-line chant for when the zombies are defeated. Escape plans might suffer from paralysis by analysis. However, most likely to point out that zombies can't run very fast and that it's possible to outrun them in tight spaces. Weapon of choice would be a mobile phone with Star Trek gun capabilities.

Verdict: Survival

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Dae: Zombies usually only operate in densely populated areas but sometimes they stray further afield. The country boy in Dae might lead him to think that a hayshed would be a suitable fortress and we all know how flawed that logic is! Weapon of choice would be a hurley.

Verdict: Zombie


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Colm: I'm the most likely to take everything I can get my hands on and lock myself in a room, leaving the other In Fact, Ah'ers without any protection and ultimately hanging them out to dry. Also most likely to sob while rocking in the foetal position. With no strategy and stress getting the better of me, I'd make for tough meat for zombies. Almost a dead cert to pretend that I wasn't bitten and go rejoin the others before tricking them into going to a graveyard to hide. Weapon of choice has to be a dagger hidden just under my cloak.

Verdict: Zombie


tags:zombies

Published by Colm.