Serious, professional journalism requires a resolute commitment to objectivity, especially when writing on subject matter close to a writer’s heart. If a journalist attempts to lead a reader down one particular path, ignoring observable facts, then they will have failed in their job and done the public a disservice. Luckily, this blog is more like one of the newspapers in Tony O’Reilly’s stable than a respectable broadsheet, consequently allowing me the freedom to shamelessly trumpet Toffypops for the indisputable high kings of biscuits that they are.

Toffypops are as close to a perfect biscuit as one can get. Adopting a round (approx 1 1/4 inches in diameter) construction, they are founded upon a shortcake-esque base. The top is covered in chocolate, which while not lavishly poured, is sufficiently present to let the eater know that: this is a chocolate biscuit. The coup-de-grace, however, is hidden from the eater and the inexperienced may be forgiven for collapsing in ecstasy upon discovering this. Some genius (I don’t use the word lightly here) decided to hollow out the top of the shortcake base and fill it with toffee. Toffee, traditionally the reserve of expensive bakery produced cakes and sweets that you buy by weight which precluded the proletariat from experiencing this delight. A sort of ‘culinary hegemony’ if you will. Burtons ended all this and introduced the great unwashed to the joys of toffee.

‘Surely toffee makes it impossible to dunk?’ I hear you exclaim. Not so. The shortcake base acts as an anchor for the toffee, which allows the eater to submerge a Toffypop for an obscene amount of time. While the likes of a Rich Tea would be reduced to soggy dregs at the bottom of a cup, the Toffypop will surface relatively unscathed from a lengthy dip. The experience of eating/licking/toying with a dunked Toffypop is nothing short of nirvana. To describe it in-depth here would be tantamount to hardcore porn and seeing as most of you are at work I will leave it to your imaginations.

The well-informed Toffypop purchaser will know that anyone who buys the packet of ten is a mug to be derided from a height. Every real Toffypop lover knows that the specially priced pack is the only way to fly. At €1.99 for 20 this really is great value for money. The added bonus here is that these packs only seem to be available in convenience stores and not in supermarkets as you would expect. This makes them dangerously accessible at any time of the day.

As for consistency, I have yet to be disappointed by a pack of Toffypops. The biscuit is always perfectly baked and the chocolate and toffee are almost Nazi-esque in their uniformity. One criticism I grudgingly make is the quality of the chocolate. While adequate, one cannot help wondering what it would be like if a group of Lindt engineers were given free reign to come up with a replacement recipe.

Value for Money: 9.5/10

Dunkability: 9/10

Consistency: 9

If it were a car it would be a: Audi A4 Quattro (Germanic consistency and efficiency with a wonderful surprise under the bonnet/ chocolate)

Overall Verdict: 9/10

tags:[Toffypops]

Published by El Commandant P.