Not quite on the same scale of the dystopic worlds portrayed by Huxley or Orwell, but Walford, Emmerdale, Carrickstown and Weatherfield are pretty bleak places to live in. The people living there invariably seem to be trapped in low-paid employment, have no prospects, are manic depressives or, worse still, are content with their awful existence. They say art imitates life. We can only therefore deduce that these half hour shows do not fit the just aforementioned definition.

I only have time for the old fashioned Imperial Leather or Lifebuoy soaps and not the soma-type that so many seem to be addicted to. The top four (Corrie, Emmerdale, Eastenders and Fair City) account for a whopping nine hours of prime time television every week. And they consistently draw the biggest audiences according to the TAM ratings. Since Bill Roche cut a dashing figure in black and white all those years ago, soap plot lines have been the starting point for many a discussion. The massive following of soaps was demonstrated when thousands of viewers wore "Free Deirdre Rashid" t-shirts in support of the gaoled sinew-throated whiner.

So what's the big attraction? One could posit that viewers can attain solace from watching the misfortunes of even more miserable fuckers. It's a manifestation of shadenfreude at its best. Modern day soaps are just a substitute for the real-life dramas that people tapped into on their street corners every day before the incarnation of Coronation Street.

This post wasn't meant to be some sort of sententious expression of a superior-than-though unwillingness to watch thrash TV. Indeed, I've watched a fair share in my time. There's a place and time for watching no-brainer shows but not for nine hours a week in lieu of any other sort of enterprising life activity.

But I can't bear to watch soaps. The two-dimensional onscreen simpletons that I'm supposed to relate to disgust me. No, the scriptwriters who mould the Peggy Mitchells and the Bela Doyles disgust me. Introduce a black character and they usually end up being a criminal, create a gay character and they'll be a huge Kylie fan, install a character with a mental illness and they'll most likely turn out to be a serial killer. All of these soaps should really only have white characters because by trying to be inclusive of all minority groups, the writers' ineptitude does them an injustice.

What is more serious is that soap operas can become a sort of behavioural model for some of its viewers. A study performed by Dr Sarah Coine from the University of Central Lancashire, revealed that there is growing evidence so suggest that violence on screen does increase aggression in real life. To quote the Independent from two years ago, "She found that 92 per cent of the programmes had scenes of indirect aggression, such as characters spreading rumours, talking behind other people's backs or betraying a friend to get on."

Nine hours a week is a lot of time to waste every week. Then again, they could do worse - these people could all be blogging.

tags:soaps,soap operas

Published by Colm.