Plans for Mass Grave in Ireland
A press release from the government today has confirmed that Ireland is indeed prepared for any bird flu pandemic and the effects it could have on the general populous. Plans are afoot for a mass grave to be built in the Midlands that could accommodate up to 40,000 cadavers.
Mary Harney has stated that this action would remove the potential threat of further A&E overcrowding. She also emphasised that the Dept. of Health would work alongside the Organ Retention Programme to ensure maximum retrieval of healthy organs. She was also quoted as saying: "This venture will need the go ahead from the Ethics Committee at the Mater Hospital". However, she was confident that they would approve this project in the coming days.
It is understood that prices for spaces in the grave would range from €200,000 to €300,000. Non-nationals, old people in nursing homes, lesbians and those on social housing schemes will not be guaranteed a place however. It is envisaged that any overspill will be transported to the Botanic Gardens in Dublin where soil nutrient levels have recently waned.
Lawyers, developers, Gardaí stationed in parts of Donegal and Deloitte and Touche have all tendered for the project.
PS This post was not written for comic purposes and is entirely fictional (in case anyone tries to sue my ass). It should also be noted that there is no intention to make little of the issues above. In Fact, Ah the opposite.
Published by Colm.
Mary Harney has stated that this action would remove the potential threat of further A&E overcrowding. She also emphasised that the Dept. of Health would work alongside the Organ Retention Programme to ensure maximum retrieval of healthy organs. She was also quoted as saying: "This venture will need the go ahead from the Ethics Committee at the Mater Hospital". However, she was confident that they would approve this project in the coming days.
It is understood that prices for spaces in the grave would range from €200,000 to €300,000. Non-nationals, old people in nursing homes, lesbians and those on social housing schemes will not be guaranteed a place however. It is envisaged that any overspill will be transported to the Botanic Gardens in Dublin where soil nutrient levels have recently waned.
Lawyers, developers, Gardaí stationed in parts of Donegal and Deloitte and Touche have all tendered for the project.
PS This post was not written for comic purposes and is entirely fictional (in case anyone tries to sue my ass). It should also be noted that there is no intention to make little of the issues above. In Fact, Ah the opposite.
Published by Colm.
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